Tag Archives: people

a sense of derangement

3 Aug

Some people live a good life, and some live a bad one. Well there are some, they live life like a swing that sways back and for from the good to the bad and takes an occasional extra leap to one of those ends. It may sound too good at times but the disruptions it can produce later on leads to sheer madness within the mind.

Only the few chosen unfortunates get to live this way, through some fault of their own or maybe none. It kind of gives one a great deal of hope during those good times but only to bring it all down crashing with what has to follow. And at the worst possible times they are shown a ray of hope to cling by, but sooner or later, that will go away too.

It is under such confusing circumstances that they try to live an ordinary life, attain some sort of stability. Even if a certain amount of stability is attained, it is only to be ruined by the fear of disruptions that lingers somewhere in the back of their mind. It is some sort of a curse that you can’t escape from. Sometimes you fail to notice it even exists.

It is under such madness that they try to make friends, to be one with the society. It becomes a tough task to look at others without any involvement of your inner confusion. Everyone seems to be hiding some sort of hatred against you and it pushes you further inwards your shell. No matter how much one tries to get close to you, you can’t let them in. You are constantly reminded of all the worse that is to follow this good moment, this tiny little moment of joy that you can have. All that clouds your mind is the thought of falling harder that you have before.

Relationship fails to survive, friendships cease to exist and a certain amount of madness remains inevitable. It is amazing how at this point everything seems so very much against you that you feel you are the root cause of everything wrong around you. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t, how would you know?

Maybe all your inner negativity and self-loathing is the cause of all wrong around you. Or maybe that’s the reason you feel everything’s wrong around you despite them being all fine. What can you do in such a case? Reach out to someone? But you have never learned to trust a person or open up to anyone. All you can do is get more entwined in the thoughts of self-loathing and pity and try to survive another day amongst the crowd.

So why am I writing this? I am not sure, maybe I am stuck somewhere in such a position and I can’t seem to find a way out. And what bothers me most is, is this for real? Or is this just another manifestation of my self-loathing?

The exec side..or the dark side of the force!

1 Aug

Yes the execs, and all such similar creatures. They are one bad evolutionary branch of the human species. I personally believe that this species forms more supervillians than genius scientists pushed over the edge. Yes these include your everyday PROs, your HRs and other such people who like to recruit, fire, make deals and act like Donald Trump. sad.

But the one interesting hobby that this species has is to not attend to people. Yes, that’s something they consider fun.  Yes these descendants of Darth Vader(my personal belief is that he might have laid roots for the management course), they ask you to mail them, call them, contact them and they sit back and enjoy.

Everytime I am made to contact one of “them”, I imagine a group of those people, sitting together and looking at some giant screen and laughing at the desperation with which I am trying to contact them. I had to once call an HR for some work related purpose, yes funny looking back at it now. They picked up and said they were redirecting me to the HR, and they did, and the phone rang and rang and rang and rang forever. Okay so I get it, you are busy, but isn’t it easier to just say no rather than have a room filled with many telephones that you never pick up! I should get one such room if I start a company.

If that humiliation at the hands of these modern day Sith Lords weren’t enough, I had another encounter with a much smoother and more brutal HR. Yes these kinds can get worse. One of these species had heard of my work and and was eager to work with me and asked one of our mutual contacts to ask me to send them my resume! Oh yes, they indirectly approached me for work. And yes I did send them my resume. Now just so we are clear and I have a damn good resume for someone my profile, I shit you not. So they replied immediately the next day saying unfortunately they had no work for me at the moment. I mean do they sit around and come up with cruel ways to torture those who dont have an MBA degree?

Refusing in understandable, ignoring is bad and approaching and refusing and then ignoring afterwards is evil. Getting in touch with them is like convincing a religious guy that his religion isn’t the true one. Its like asking a politician to do something     nice. Or maybe like asking Michael Bay to make a sensible movie. Yes its not going to happen.

As the great man Alfred once said, “Some people just want to see they world burn”. And when they suck at it, they get an MBA degree.

from behind the veils of perception

23 Jul

William Blake was a really smart man, there’s no arguing on that! So when he goes around saying

If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.

you cant really disagree can you? I must admit I never cared much for the guy and i really heard this quote through Jim Morrison. Well whatever, it sounded cool when the guy said it! You always need a smart guy and a cool guy to make a quote and get it famous (I really need a cool guy or a marketing agent to get this blog more views, no seriously!).

So I had this really important work somewhere and unfortunately I had to walk there. And what i didn’t know was that I had to walk 4-5 kilometers and this walk was from the backward parts of the city. I felt like I was walking through The Narrows.

It took me an hour to cover the distance, yes using GPS and not asking people can make one slow but in my defense i was scared of  being mugged. What followed was me walking around following my GPS and observing each and every moving thing around me. This observation slowly transformed from fear to intrigue. What first stuck my fancy through a series of clichéd events(if it weren’t, this post would have been longer) was that they were so…ordinary! yes that’s the word. And I had never thought of that before, that these people could be ordinary. Poor, yes..but ordinary. Just like any one of us.

It was at this moment that I stopped thinking about being mugged and started observing more at this poverty struck reflection of ordinary society. It was fascinating to observe a low budget replica( i kinda like using film related terms, sorry) of your average day. Take off all the money and our life would be exactly as theirs, is what I felt.

And all that made me think any different was my perception, a perception inculcated in me by those around me, by my daily influences. I never cared to question it, after all its a known fact that the scum of the society comes from the poor, right? Maybe yes. I don’t know. But what I saw that day, weren’t the scum of the society. They were family men, friends, mothers, sisters, workers etc.

So now when I hear the William Blake quote, I think about the walk I took. It used to sound cool to me, but now it makes sense. But the biggest thing out of all this, a little bit of personal gain has been that, I have learned to avoid the veil of perception and see things for myself. I feel a better person. Its a simple story, with a greater impact. I like that. Simplicity can be greatly effective.

PS: If I had been mugged or stabbed that day, this would have been a completely different post!